Here is the digital version of my analog journal today, One with mixed emotions. Whatever they are, they are my emotions
Sreemukh left a message to all of us in the family WhatsApp group that his citizenship has been approved, and would get one after the oath ceremony, the dates of which are to be announced. While I’m glad that he got what he wanted, as for myself it is a sad day. It is one that reminds me that somewhere along my nurturing my children, I have failed in my duty in developing a patriotism for the country. It is that land to which some hundred generations of people had deeply attached themselves to. Even the last of them I myself, had quit the US abruptly when I was just yards away from getting my green card. I did not want my children to not severe ties with my homeland. I had an allegiance to this country, and likewise I wanted my children to have. Now it is all over. With the stroke of a sharp knife, that last string was cut off. Where did I go wrong in my upbringing of children? Usually, I am quite proud of my children and our upbringing them. I would immediately negate any comments my wife would have of shortfalls in my kids, even if they are only occasional. I would often say we couldn’t have had better kids than what we have and should therefore be fully content. But somewhere along, I missed this major one. While I did talk about the greatness of this land and its culture, yet it may not have been adequate. The children may have picked up bits and pieces as data elements, but have not been able to take the essence of it.
This country is far more developed and reasonably comparable to the best ones out there today. It is much easy for the well educated, hard-working and intelligent kids as mine to make a pretty good living in this country. There is nothing wrong in seeking greener pastures farther away. But they all go back to ‘their’ lands at the end of the day or season. The kids have failed to pay allegiance to the country that has given them trillions and trillions of grains and vegetables that made them grow to what they are today. Yet that allegiance is missing.
All those hundreds of forefathers who had toiled in this country and helped make it what it is today, I had allowed my upbringing to ignore all that and break the ties with this country in one stroke. No more anymore, the culture of rites and rituals, for generations to come!
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