What Are My Beliefs on Customs?

Sometimes an incident disturbs the mind enough that it refuses to settle until examined properly. What begins as a reaction slowly turns into reflection—and somewhere in that process, a clearer understanding of one’s own beliefs emerges.

What Are My Beliefs on Customs?

In my near and dear circle, a marriage happened when a key member in the family had passed away, while the body was still waiting for the last rites to be performed. The marriage went ahead anyway, and the final rites were conducted several days later. This led to a lot of controversy within the near and extended families.

A question arose in my own mind after everything settled down, after the initial emotional and hectic phase passed. I felt the need to sit down and write—otherwise, the mind wouldn’t settle.

I notice that there is a lot of anger among family and relatives about the audacity of performing a Hindu marriage while the mourning period had not ended, and while the body was still in the mortuary. A wide majority among the relatives are deeply disturbed by this.

At the same time, there is also a justification. A heavy expenditure had already been committed for the marriage, and it was too late to withdraw the event just a few days before. On top of that, the two families involved were already emotionally invested in this union.

I had been waiting for a few days to write this, to allow my thoughts to settle. Now, let me look at this more openly and without bias.

Performing a marriage during the mourning period is against custom. From what I know, it is not necessarily against Shastra. Shastra is the law within a religion. There is a science behind it, and it is meant to be followed as laid down in scriptures.

Customs, however, are traditions followed within a community. Customs differ across communities. What is strictly followed in one community may be completely different—or even opposite—in another.

Customs are what define and shape a community. They give identity.

So, not following a laid-down custom—even if it may not directly result in harm in some cases—still has consequences. Every member of a community is expected to follow its traditions. When someone openly deviates, they risk losing their identity within that community.

More importantly, it affects others. People in the community feel disturbed, hurt, and stressed. And in a belief system like Hinduism, where sentiment plays a strong role, any untoward event that happens later may be attributed—rightly or wrongly—to this deviation from tradition.

It ends up hurting everyone.

A set of customs creates identity, and people take identity seriously.

If you look at a Western Christian setting, people wear black when attending a funeral as a mark of respect and sadness. If someone turns up in a bright red suit, it may not cause any real harm—but it will definitely be frowned upon.

So what is my opinion about following customs?

It does not matter.

That is the whole point.