Why do we feel so excited and concerned about our children?
The easy answer is love.
But why do we love our children?
Is it because they carry our genes and we feel obligated to love them? Without any enforced obligation, we do get a lot of joy when each of them is born. But why does it stay even as time passes? Is it truly because we think they carry our genes and belong to us? Is it like a community feeling—that we all belong to each other in a way? Or is it an ‘enforced’ family feeling?
I have started doubting the concept of blood relation and the importance we attach to genes being passed on. I think it does not play as big a role as most of us tend to believe.
I very strongly believe couples who have adopted children since babies will have an equal love for their adopted child. Whether it constantly enters their mind that the child was adopted or not, I think they love their child equally strongly. Is this now an obligated love? Because they are expected to love them and take care of them, therefore they love them?
I think it is because we live together with our children every day for about two decades. The love establishes itself.
Take the case of childhood friends. If we happen to be among those lucky few who stay in regular touch with childhood friends lifelong, on a day-to-day basis, we will have an equal love as with our own family. We will share sorrows and joys equally and be equally concerned about their well-being.
Take a simpler example—our colleagues at work. At least during the period we are together, we develop deep bonds. And so it is with our neighbours at home as well.
Take an even simpler example—our spouse. That person is more likely not a blood relation. Yet we love them and are genuinely interested in their well-being.
There are animals which take care of cubs or chicks of other parents as if they were their own. There are far too many examples to show that our association with our children is not because they carry our genes. It is simply that we have lived together. Nothing more. It may even be an exaggerated idea that we love them because they are our family. What is a family? Those who live together. Period.
Most pet owners love their pets as much as they do their own children. Now don’t ask whom they would choose if they had to choose between a pet and their own child. That is hypothetical. It is like asking, of two children you have, which one you would rather choose.
So am I saying love for our children is false? Absolutely not. I am only suggesting that the sole or real reason is not because they carry our genes.
Well, if this is the case, should we be able to love anyone equally? Absolutely. If the conditions were similar, we would surely do so. And if conditions were not similar, there are examples of great people who love others equally as well.
I don’t know if Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa come under them, but surely it is possible.
I think all of us should endeavour to love people outside family. It should be possible, by this theory. I try.
Comments