Relationships and their sustenance
Relationships with people around us do not sustain by themselves. They need to be maintained consciously. They do require an investment, time, and effort. They do need to be prioritized. Relationships will not continue if we take them for granted. In most cases, they get created in involuntary while active maintenance is not. A relationship with son for example gets created the moment the baby boy is born. So is the case between a man and woman when they get married, to be a man and wife. But for this relationship to sustain, not a one-time investment, but one that is continuous, is required. It is important to convey to the other party constantly that we value the relationship. Unfortunately, this may require verbal feedback as well something I am not good at.
This is so true with friendships too. If friends don't meet or talk often in a real sense, the friendship doesn't last long. I have already noticed this with my school friend, Venkatram. He had been very dear to me not only during my school days, but also during college times although we never went to same college. I would write letters to him from Delhi, given that we didn't have electronic communication, easy telephone calls those days. Friendship lasted fairly long. But after I got married, we spoke less frequently, and eventually it almost died when I shifted to the US. It improved a little after I returned to India, and furthermore in recent times. Yet it is not at point when I could discuss anything and everything with him like I used to olden times. Alas, if only I paid attention and prioritized, I would have had one very good close friend today.
And so tt is with Sastry, and Ravi as well when we don't speak for a few weeks in a row. There is a hesitation to make that first call.
There is evidence that human beings are truly social animals. We need constant companionship. We need them throughout our life. More and more evidence is available with real data, that people who have good friends and social circle that they interact with on a daily basis are healthier and live longer. Most of the, centennials are socially active. We do not come across people who do not have friends living long. It is just not about having friends, but actually meeting and chatting with them regularly is important. This was true with my dad too who passed away some five months back, at ninety two. On a daily basis he would converse with the maids or vendors who deliver goods to him. He would end the day by making calls periodically to relatives often.
I guess talking to people allow us release our emotions as well as receive from others. If we truly value our relationship, then joy of others will be experienced by us too when they share. When we share our sorrows and difficulties with others, at the very least our hearts lighten, even if we did not necessarily find a solution to our problems. Socially near and dear give us the strength to fight.
I had always underestimated the importance of being socially active. I know that I am capable of being socially active. I just don't do it. Outwardly I appear comfortable with strangers. However this does not tantamount to being socially active in my view. The objective of social talk should be to share our joys and sorrows with others, and reciprocate with others. Just as exercise and meditation to body and mind, so also there has to be an activity for the heart, by talking every day.
I guess I should talk more frequently to some friends and preferably neighbors as well so there is a personal contact with all. Yes, doing long analog journaling with a pen and notebook may help to some degree, where I am a friend to myself. But that's not adequate.
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